I hope I've done the right thing.

What am I about to say is pretty personal.
Ya.
So please, keep your comments to yourself.

Right now.
I feel like a dog.
I am not trying to be funny or anything.
I mean.
I have that sense of belonging, that sense of wanting to be with that person kinda feeling.
But.
Things just don't happen as you wish they would.
They never do.

I don't believe in fate.
Cause I think fate is just merely the consequence of our actions.
I don't believe in destiny.
Because there is no such thing as destiny.
I think these words are fabricated by people who are in dire straits.
As for those living in their own fairy tales and really enjoying it,
I wish them well.

Back to the first point.
Ya.
I feel like that.
I feel that I am not be taken seriously, or as a friend would say, "not being treasured".
I feel that I am not even a friend, in her mind.
I feel like I am just another face in the crowd, like a passing cloud or something.
But still, I turn to her.
And yet again, I am being chucked aside, cast aside, kicked aside.
It's like saying. "Fuck off you jackass".
Can I not even be treated as a friend? Trying to be more than that would make a
horse laugh.
I don't like it.
I really really don't like it.
-Pause-
...
...
I heard that there are other suitors as well.
3 or 4.
Hhmm.
It's not this that makes me start to think twice.
There is more to that.
She is good-looking.
She has her own expectations.
I don't think I can even meet a F9 in her books.
It's not being self-demoralizing or anything.
I am just sinking back and once again, immerse myself in reality.
Fairy tales?
I doubt if it would happen to me.
Presently, I am contemplating whether if I should be getting a present for her.
It's her birthday tomorrow.
Happy Birthday.
I don't think she will be reading this.
Hm.

I should stop listening to mandopop songs that have duets.

Right now, I think I will just numb myself from all that's around.
Just..ya.