Desire.
>this is gonna be a bit personal..<


I wonder if this is a normal feeling.
I woke up this morning feeling that something was missing.
No.
It's not that bag I want to buy from the Puma Store.
Neither is it that book from MPH.
Or is it that I know I have flunk my eoy.
Just..
Something was missing.
I just couldn't pin-point it out.
Until just now.
I decided to give myself a little treat today and since it's early, heck, made a trip to Geyland Bahru to get myself a decent lunch.
I hadn't had one that was really considered a "lunch" since monday.
So, since my Ez-Link was dry, I had no bloody choice but to top up.
Kallang MRT I went.
After having done so, I proceeded to the bus-stop.
Sheesh. I seem to be writing my will or Police Report Testimony or something. =.=
Then, on my slow walk there I saw these 2 people.
From Manjusri.
They were like looking, rather intently, at something at the drain. Then the girl just threw bread crups into the drain.
Most likely feeding some fish or some turtle or some crab. Whatever.
But then, that "feeling" in the morning came back.
Yes. They were a couple.
But, seriously, I have seen plenty of them myself, but none of the times had I had this feeling or desire in me.
Gee. Sounding a bit despo.
..Nah..Just need a channel to express my thoughts.
Then, ya, then there I was at the bus-stop.
26 or 853 (I took the former), took painfully long to arrive.
Then.
I don't know if this is some kind of crude joke or what, but just before the bus arrived, this couple (another one) just walked past.
They both looked at me like I was like ET or Shrek or something.
What?
Was it the way I dressed?
Was it my hair?
Was it because my shirt was tucked out?
What??
I don't know.
But what I do know is that there was something about me that really took an interest in them.
So they stared, I stared back.
No..No fight.
Then they continued to walk before the girl stared at me again.
I seriously thought there was something wrong with me.
...
In the bus I fished out my camera and took a picture of myself.
URgh.
No woah. My hair was "OK"..slightly better than the average day.
My shirt was tucked out but so what?
I was kinda lost.
I came to conclude that perhaps, there is a pang of companionship in me that needs to be fufilled.
Haha..I sound old.
><
I am tired to the stares I get from people as I walk past.
What is it with them and in me?
I am tired of friends coming up to me and giving me that fuck up look like I am either in love or out of love.
Fuck you.
Do I look like I even have the damn time?
Do I look like I have the calibre to get hitched?
Fuck you.
You are the asses who got hitched. Stop giving me that fuck up look.
I am tired.
>>>
It kinda worsens when you are in an A class.
I seriously wished that I didn't take up triple science.
Bah.
Cause, (this rant is getting cliche), everyday, I see people with their noses buried in piles and piles of books.
Look at the sky for once for crying out loud.
I don't have something against these people.
I am just pretty saddened? Fed up rather at how they crack jokes that are filled with chem laws and whatsnots.
Their stupid little childish "hit and run like hell" little games.
Their little lame nicknames given to others when they themselves are a mockery.
It's getting on my nerves. I just don't show it.
Don't make me.
>>>>
I think I need a break.
My parents are backing off a bit now. Heh. I have my temper, I just don't blow it up. Having that sort of cool, cold, temper always seems to be much better than erupting abruptly and spitting bullshit at others.
I need a break.
I need to get rid of that desire before I really need a break.
Period.
Last paper tomorrow. Then. Even more time for that desire to manifest. Someone save me.
><