Hurt.

I will stop being overtly explicit by narrating my "relationships" here. Not that I do have one, just that I don't want to dwell on that matter until 2046.
Of the late, I have this ominous feeling about myself. My surroundings, my around my life. I feel that I'm surreptitiously being hexed, scorned, cursed. Someone seems to be condemning me for all the things that I had done or about to do. It feels somewhat like the devil's touch. Well of course, in this time around, there is no catch but just pure misfortune and bad luck and rotten endings.
I doubt that term "Happily Ever After" will ever apply to my life. There is no beautiful ending to whatever that I do. Even if there is, there is the catch. I will either have to sacrifice something else, give up another precious item or emotion and then get shattered all over again.
I kind of feel as though these people are mocking me. They enjoy tormenting me. It's like I'm a pawn on that their little chessboard. I get crushed by the castle, get stabbed by the knight, get damned by the bishop. They really are enjoying this.
I don't seem to be able to get things on track this year. It has already been 2 months already. This is a bad sign. If this matter still persists, I believe it still will, then I may as well burn those books, flung the notes out of the window and flush the stationary down the toilet. I might as well go missing altogether and reappear when I think those people have had enough playing around, screwing around rather my already miserable life, and then to find out that that there is a prelude to what had happened.
I hate this.
Maybe that is why I can consider myself as a agnostic person. I don't openly believe in any religion or culture in a sense, but neither do I deny the fact that such evil actually exists. My life is a good case.
The New Year is still happening. I may have been putting up a brave front these days, but trust me, behind close doors, I am not who I am.
I am not being an advocate of some stupid new found theory here. Don't get me wrong. I am just voicing my displeasures. Somehow, we, especially myself, always feel that our lives are the most rotten, the most uneventful, the most worthless.
You can't expect me to go laughing and shrugging off important issues which have gone wrong like others.
You can't expect me to not treat relationships that had gone sour.
You can't expect me to be exceptional time and time again just for one little thing I had done that pleased a couple of souls.
The feeling's haunting.
No, it is more than haunting. It is a subsidiary to he arsenal that those people are already using. It is tool of mockery.
There are just these moments that I really feel all void of hope. I really do. My mum and dad don't even know these and since activity in the cbox has died down, I feel considerably assured that no one will read this.
Even if you have read this far, will you bother to reply?
I don't think so.
And no, your kind of souls are just one level higher that those. High is a more courteous method of saying that you are kind on the outside, but have that feeling of ambivalence within you.
I am not forcing.
I don't care either.
From now on, if you see me alone, don't bother to come talk to me ok?