tempus fugit


It feels as though a series of carpet bombings are undergoing in my poor little head right now. I am not exactly suffering from migraine at the moment, thank you. Quite the contrary, I think I am suffering from "information overload". To those born in the year 91, I doubt if this feeling is alien. Do a mental calculation and a comparison with what you were learning in the year 1999 and what you are learning now...Gosh, you should really give yourself a pat in the back for still being able to find the energy to breath.
I'm not exactly very much happy now, but neither am I that gloomy and all. It's just that, these days seem to be all the more difficult and vexing than normal. And it doesn't help when expectations run high and get dashed when the teachers return that wretched script you slogged your soul out to revise and practice.
2 more weeks to the Prelims and I feel like dying already. No wait, maybe I'm already dead. What you are seeing of me is just an empty shell. A hollow contraption running on carbohydrates, proteins and minimal fats. Oh yes, top it up with plenty of Vitamins and minerals and gallons of water. Then what about the soul? I guess the soul is dead. Either it's dead or it's buried by the multitude of subjects that the brain is trying to squeeze in, remember with all its might, and allocate neatly in case of emergencies.
Life being a student never was easy. No..Life never was easy.

I guess it's human to feel incomplete. This has nothing to do with love by the way, although it does play a pivotal role. But that's not the crux of my "arguement" at the moment. I read this article the other day. It said that no matter how much money you win in the lottery, or even if you banged that hot chick who rejected you in college, you still never feel happy. Did I raise your eyebrows? I doubt so. Your mama and papa would most probably had been drumming that into your cerebrum since you were playing with that rattler. It's true. Let me give you a partial scientific, partial common sense answer. Stop me if this sounds familiar.
Every time we do something that makes us feel happy, a certain chemical reaction occurs in our heads. This gives us a sense of euphoria. To try it out, go down Geylang and find the dude with plenty of tattoos and ask him for heroin. Just kidding. Okay, however, after a while, this sense of euphoria dies down and all becomes mundane again. Presuming you have won the lottery, you might feel glad and joyous for the next following weeks. If you are a simpleton, you may still be smiling your face off for the proceeding months even. But.
It's only a matter of time before you feel void and empty. It's only a matter of time before that self-made happiness dies off again.

So, you see, there is no "thing" that will make you happy. Or is there?
I think there is. If not, why can some people wake up and look into the mirror and flashed that pearly whites while others just cuss at the number of crow feet they have? It has got to do with the brain, no doubt about that. But like the chapter on Variation, there is also the environmental factor.
By the way, good looks play little in making you happy. So I guess I should feel happy.
If I were to uproot you, a city dweller and dump you off in a some god knows where area in Africa and let you live with the tigers and cheetahs, you will feel sad. Okay, you will feel pissed, then frightened, then you start regretting. Then you start thinking "Damn! My life was GOOD in the past.". By the way, for sick humour sake, let me do a deduction of how you might die in rural Africa- untouched by urbanisation. Hmm, good spot for ecotourism.

10%-> Chance that you get eaten up by tigers or lions. I think it should be a good 40% in the past, but due to poaching and all, who knows...Those cats might run away seeing you coming.
15%-> Dying of starvation because there is no Mac or KFC in the jungle.
5%-> Dying because of no hotmail or Friendster.
20%-> Dying due to lack of clean water. Either that or you get your head snapped off by a crocodile while having a sip.
55%-> Dying of malaria because you lack the heterozygous or homozygous hamoglobin allele that is resistant towards the disease.

So, let's say you managed to survive your little picnic in Africa for 3 months. And then I bring you back to Singapore. Here, you get to see lions in an "enclosed space"- nice words to replace captivity. You get to drink water while without having to peer with circumspect to see whether or not there are crocs in the vicinity. Here, you get to see how happy your life is.

So indeed, perhaps I should stop ranting and wax lyrical as to how shitty my life is because somewhere out there, someone is probably running away from a cheetah or trying to get clear of another grenade thrown at him. I guess this is rather despicable, seeking out happiness in other's demise and sorrow. Happiness is hard to get.
Or maybe I should go to the fridge and munch on chocolates. They by the way can make you happy. =) Hmm, guess I could save on the money to Africa.